17 | Feminine Freedom Part 3 - Stop Shrinking to Save: A Reframe on Money, Power & Wealth

Most women don’t feel powerful with money—and it’s not their fault. From outdated cultural scripts to financial double standards, we’ve been taught to play small, save quietly, and feel shame around wealth.

In this episode of the Feminine Freedom series, Carly breaks down the real reason so many women feel overwhelmed, broke, or unworthy of abundance—and what to do instead.

You’ll learn:

• Why the stats (and search results) are stacked against us
• How to shift from fear-based money habits to feminine overflow
• What it means to have a relationship with your money
• Why investing in yourself isn’t ego—it’s empowerment
• A simple mindset reframe that opens the door to more

Whether you're an entrepreneur or not, this is about wealth as energy, identity, and freedom. This is about trusting yourself to make bold, powerful decisions that reflect the version of you you’re becoming.

It’s time to stop shrinking—and start building.

Tag @carlyschade with your takeaways, and don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review to support the show!

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Transcript

0:00:00 - (Carly): Foreign. Welcome to Coffee with Carly, your weekly wake up call to a happier, healthier life. I'm your host, Carly Shade, and I'm here to uncover how good life can get. Good morning. Welcome back to another episode of Ko Fi with Carly. If you are new here, welcome. You are smack dab in the middle of a miniseries inside of the podcast. And this miniseries is called Feminine Freedom. And it's where we're unpacking the most common ways that we as women are keeping ourselves overwhelmed, tired, broke, stressed.

0:00:52 - (Carly): So think of each episode as a blueprint for new, sustainable success. Okay, so last week was part two, all about home life. And I really introduced this life changing idea or shift of who, not how. And so if you listened, you might have remembered that the most common objection to this shift, this idea, outsourcing, or just simply receiving support is that I can't afford it. So if you missed last week's episode, feel free to hit back.

0:01:28 - (Carly): You can even find the story behind this series in the very first kickoff call. Or again, just dive right in today, because today we're talking about money. Because like I just said, you know, I can't afford it, right? Like, money is the heart of so many of our decisions, our, our fears, our kind of stuckness in life. And lately there's just been so many conversations about money showing up in my life from friends applying to new jobs and being told, you know, hush, don't talk about, hey, can you not talk about your salary? Or other women saying just things like, I'm bad with money, or a friend who wants to start a business, but the idea of accounting feels like nails on a chalkboard, right? There's just money's been floating around everywhere. So I'm really excited to dive into this topic today.

0:02:17 - (Carly): So as I prepared for today's episode, you know, we know that I love a good stat, right? So I went in. I wanted to come prepared with some statistics, so I did a quick Google search and I just typed like, women and money. And the entire first page of Google search results pulled. This is what every article was titled. Okay, the first one, I'm reading this verbatim, by the way. The first one is Money Stress is Hurting Women's Overall Health.

0:02:45 - (Carly): Financial Planning. Too Many Women Don't Care. The third, why Do Women Struggle to Manage Money? And then the last, money and Other Things Women Shouldn't Talk About. Okay, well, no wonder all of us are sitting around saying that we're bad with money. There's just decades of subconscious messaging through media, through movies. I mean, let's also not forget that it wasn't until 1974 that women in the United States were granted the right to open a bank account on their own without a man's signature.

0:03:16 - (Carly): Okay, 1974. That was not that long ago. So today, over 40% of women feel uncomfortable discussing finances. They report having this stressful relationship with money. And if anyone doesn't believe me that things are still different for men than women in the wealth world, here are some actual stats that I found.

0:03:38 - (B): Okay?

0:03:39 - (Carly): Women still only earn 84 cents. For every dollar men make. We receive just 2.8% of all venture capital funding. Nearly 43% more women have a career break listed on their LinkedIn resume, mostly due to full time parenting. And many women never re enter the workforce after childbirth. And so this motherhood penalty is responsible for about three quarters of the employment gap between men and women in the United States.

0:04:10 - (Carly): But here's what I know to be true. This is what I'm passionate about, is it is absolutely possible to be the kind of mother, the kind of business owner, the kind of leader, the kind of community member that you want to be and still make a shitload of money in this life. Okay? That is what I know to be true. That's what I believe to be true. And it is possible for all of us. Because what happens when women actually get wealthy?

0:04:37 - (Carly): Okay, we talked about this all the time in my old job, right? An international volunteer organization. There was a massive difference when you educated women than when you educated men. And when you educate women, when women get wealthy, everyone benefits. Okay, here's some more stats for you. Companies with women in leadership are 12 times more likely to be top financial performers. Women are twice as likely as men to drive diversity, equity, inclusion.

0:05:06 - (Carly): And actually, across every leadership metric, women score higher. Okay? And yet every single person in my life, these women around me, think that they're bad with money. And it's because what are women told? We're told to skip the latte, to cut the coupons, right? Save, be careful, don't be excessive in your spending. But as a society, men are told, hey, take risks, invest, go big, build power. A study of financial articles found that 65% of those articles written for women, they warned about overspending and advertised bargain hunting, while the ones aimed at men focused on investing and financial growth.

0:05:53 - (Carly): Okay, I am using scientific stats here, okay? And so this matters. This matters not just because about money and the bank account and kind of that wealth, but these messages and these stories that we tell ourselves. Society has told us Is that it's impacting how we show up in the world. It's impacting so much more than just money, okay? It's impacting our freedom and our joy and our leadership and our ability to make an impact in this world.

0:06:24 - (Carly): So how do we change this? How do we start to shift this relationship of women and wealth? So today we're going to just focus on a few things that you can start to do to change your relationship with money today. So the very first one, have a relationship with your money. It's the easiest. Well, okay, I won't say easiest. It's the simplest one and the best place to start. Because money is a frequency, it's an energy.

0:06:53 - (Carly): And if you consistently operate from this fear of avoidance or scarcity or lack, the universe doesn't want to send you more. It thinks you can't handle it. Okay? Money is a frequency, it is an energy. So start small. One of the best pieces of advice that I have received, and I do this now every Friday, is schedule a money date.

0:07:18 - (B): Okay?

0:07:18 - (Carly): Light a candle, go to your favorite coffee shop, like wear your favorite dress, whatever it is, have a money date. Open your bank account and just look at it.

0:07:28 - (B): Okay?

0:07:29 - (Carly): If you're like really, really have these emotions attached to your bank account, attached to money, then just the first time, just like open your bank accounts, open. See where you, where things are. Remember your login, remember your passwords. Like, start small. Okay? If you're a little bit more comfortable, then let's start to write down what you're seeing. Okay? Start to write a list of all the things that money has already made possible in your life.

0:07:55 - (B): Okay?

0:07:56 - (Carly): And if there is some debt there, there's probably gonna be some emotions that come up. But it's like, let's start to look at what has already been made possible in your life. I just read the book, what is it? The Life Changing Magic of Tidying up by Marie Kondo. Phenomenal book. Especially if you're in the midst of a massive change in your life. Being able to clear out a lot of old, there's a lot of science and data behind that too. But anyway, like, think about your bank.

0:08:23 - (Carly): You're Marie Kondoing your financial shame. Okay? Right? Just like write a list. If you have debt, write a list of all the things that have already been made possible in your life. Think of it as like invoices for gifts already received. Kate Northrup gave me that tip. She is an amazing resource if you wanna learn more about women and the nervous system and money. But right so schedule this money date. Write your list of the things that have already been made possible, all the gifts that you've received because of money in your life.

0:08:52 - (Carly): Thank it. And let's try to shift this shame and this emotion that we might feel if it's debt or just about our spending in general, right? Try to. Try to change that, what we're feeling, and see it as invoices for gifts that have already been received. So the second thing that we can do to start to change our relationship with money is this concept that is very important to actually my whole method of. Of teaching, coaching, all that is be, do, then have, okay?

0:09:24 - (Carly): It applies to every area of our life, but we think that we need money first to live out our dreams, okay? But it's actually the reverse. So one of my recent clients, I kind of asked her, I was like, what is your definition of success? Like, what does success look like to you? And for her, and with that, it was money. So that I can have a life of ease, I can travel, I can impact my community. And I know this client really well, known her for years. And I looked at her and I said, you do realize that you're already living that, right?

0:09:58 - (Carly): You know, I. And I had a similar experience. You know, I became an entrepreneur so that I could create my own schedule, be my own boss, sit outside, eat lunch without being told what time to do that. You know, go work a job that inspired me while inspiring others. And it can really be easy to get so caught up in the doing instead of the being, right? Because without making any more money, I already have all those things that I just wanted, right? To be my own boss, to be inspired to eat lunch when I want.

0:10:30 - (Carly): And so did my client. Like, she has this flow in her life. She actually does have the ability to travel. And if she had a mortgage, she maybe wouldn't be able to do that, right? Like, where can we look at what's right in front of us when we can celebrate what's right in front of us, then we're ready for more.

0:10:49 - (B): Okay?

0:10:49 - (Carly): Remember, it's be, do, then have. If you had $100,000 tomorrow, how would you show up differently? Okay, so how would you show up differently? Just in your everyday actions, in your everyday behaviors, right? Like, would you choose to maybe throw on the clothes that make you feel a little bit more alive instead of the sweatpants, even though you work from home? Like, how can you tap into even 5% of that energy today?

0:11:20 - (Carly): And when it comes to this be, do have, right? These. How can we show up differently. It is not about purchases, okay? It's about behavior. Choosing to do your makeup because when you leave the house and, like, you kind of look good, you feel good, you feel good, and you look good, right? Like, buying the Porsche is not going to create this shift that I'm talking about. It's behavior. It's not purchases.

0:11:43 - (Carly): So another easy shift that we can try is our words. So, you know, maybe we're gonna throw on the fun pair of yoga pants that you like instead of the sweatpants, right? Like, you're gonna feel good, but then also paying attention to the words that we're saying. So instead of using the word, but try using the word. And so what do I mean by this? So I want a tropical vacation, but I have no money. Or we can say, I want a tropical vacation and I don't know how I'll pay for it yet, or, I want to be a millionaire, but I have no clue how to make it happen.

0:12:24 - (Carly): Or we can say, I want to be a millionaire, and I have no clue how to make it happen.

0:12:31 - (B): Okay?

0:12:32 - (Carly): You're not lying to yourself, but you are leaving the door open for possibility. You're reminding yourself that you are actually resourceful, okay? If you want something, you can make it happen. And your resourcefulness is actually more important than your resources, okay? So many of us are just looking like, what do I have right now that I can. Can. I can use to make this thing happen? But instead, look inward at your actual resourcefulness, okay?

0:13:04 - (Carly): And then the last part of this changing our relationship with money is just start to be brave and bold and risky, okay? And be willing to learn. Because so many of us, like, we don't just start out being good with money, okay? Like, everyone else thinks that we just, like, popped out of the womb with a Roth ira. No, It's a learned skill, okay? Building wealth. Just having a relationship with money, it's a muscle, okay? Use it and you will build it over time.

0:13:33 - (Carly): And so if you take some of these steps that we've mentioned above, simply having a relationship, right? Creating a list of all the amazing things that money has afforded you in your life, all the gifts that you've received thus far, starting to embody the person that you want to be when you get this success, you know, when you get that hundred thousand dollars, starting to embody it. Shifting our mindset around it, these little choices, these little steps will start to give us more confidence, okay? Because confidence is just bravery compounded over time. So if you take that step, to have a money Date every week, even if there's some shame behind maybe a little bit of debt.

0:14:13 - (Carly): Keep showing up, keep showing up, keep being brave. And then confidence comes because it's just bravery compounded over time. And then when we're a little more confident, we get to be a little more bold and true. Wealth building starts with boldness, okay? Because we go from just saving to investing. And this is where then we get to invest in ourselves, we get to invest in our savings, we get to invest in our happiness, okay? I invested five figures into myself before I made a single dollar.

0:14:45 - (Carly): To be transparent, I didn't even have a business. I didn't even know I wanted a business, okay? I did it for myself. And I invested this not because I had all the answers, not because I had clarity, but because I was ready to stop playing small. I craved a mentor. I knew I wanted to learn. I was ready to go put myself in a room where I was the small fish, where I got to learn from people that were living in a way that I wanted to live.

0:15:11 - (Carly): But the most important was it was just truly a decision to better myself. I saw an opportunity to learn something that was going to help make me happier, freer, more grounded, more me. And it's not until we're that person, right? It's about the person we're becoming. The process that then these ideas, this creativity, these opportunities that we couldn't see before they start to show up. That decision for me, it was not about the money.

0:15:41 - (Carly): It was an identity shift. And it was about me believing and doing some believing in me and doing something that I knew was right, even if it didn't make sense to anyone else, right? It was finally a decision that was for me and no one else. I chose to believe in myself. This, you know, I got this energy that no matter what, even if I did make a mistake, I have the skills, I have the courage, I have the bravery to make it all back.

0:16:09 - (Carly): And even if you're not an entrepreneur, this still applies to you. This bravery compounded over time, starting to be a little bit bolder. Because a study at a tech company found that women only applied for promotions when they met 100% of the job criteria. 100%. And men, they applied when they met, just 60%. So no matter where you are in life, ask yourself, like, what bold move have you been avoiding?

0:16:40 - (Carly): Or what is the investment that you know you're ready for? Whether it's a time investment, an energy investment, a self trust investment, a money investment, Remember, it doesn't always just have to be about money. But this applies to everybody. Where can we take action today that's brave? Keep taking those actions. Bravery compounds into confidence. And then we get to start making bolder decisions.

0:17:06 - (Carly): Okay, we all know that fortune favors the bold, right? It's a common saying. But remember, this isn't just about money. It is about power. It is about freedom. It's about self trust. None of us were born with these skills to balance a checkbook. Okay, nobody even does that anymore anyway. But nobody was born with the skills to balance a budget, a spreadsheet.

0:17:29 - (B): Okay?

0:17:30 - (Carly): Right? Like wealth is a skill. It is a muscle. It's a mindset, it's an energy. Date it, have a relationship with it. Start small. Choose something from that list that I just talked about. And start today, take yourself out on that nice little date. Your favorite coffee shop. Look at all the gifts that you've already received. Just start to see what's there. And then start to invest in your vision and embody the version of you that already feels wealthy.

0:18:01 - (Carly): Behavior, not purchases. And remember, you are good with money. You are learning. You are capable. You are powerful. You are smart. You are limitless. Your opportunities are limitless. And you are a very resourceful person who will figure it out. So I could talk about wealth and money for a very long time, but we're getting the conversation going. This was just the tip of the iceberg. I wanted to just start with some very actionable steps that we can do today and just simply have a conversation about money.

0:18:35 - (Carly): Stop being afraid of talking about it with your friends, with your peers, whoever. You're allowed to talk about it. It's good to talk about it, right? Like if you never talk about your boyfriend, I don't know, maybe that's not the best relationship. So I hope that you found something useful. And again, even if there are emotions, there's a lot of heavy emotions when it comes to money. See where you can let go of that shame, that heaviness.

0:19:00 - (Carly): And remember, it is just invoices for gifts already received. Okay, so next week we will be wrapping up our final part four of the Feminine freedom series Inside this podcast. Coffee with Carly. And it's gonna be all about happiness. Because truly, that's all that we're talking about, right? The home, the health, the money. All of that is in service of what? Being happy, Inner peace. And so that's going to be our final episode next week.

0:19:31 - (Carly): If you love what you hear, please follow, subscribe, Leave a review it all helps with the rankings for me. Means the world to me. Of course Instagram is where I hang out. Tag me in anything that lands from this episode or anything that I've shared with you over these last couple weeks. And as always, friends, stay bold, stay balanced, and I will see you next week.