18 | The Truth About Happiness: Why Join Can't Be Chased - Feminine Freedom Series Finale

In the final part of the Feminine Freedom series, we’re talking about the one thing that all the other pillars—health, home, and wealth—are ultimately in service of: happiness. But here’s the catch—joy isn’t something you “earn” once you’ve done enough healing, hired help, or hit your income goals. It’s something you choose in the here and now.

This episode is a loving truth bomb for the woman who’s done everything right… and still doesn’t feel lit up. If you’ve been living in anticipation of “one day,” this conversation will bring you back to today. I unpack the real science of joy (dopamine vs. presence), why we’ve been taught to chase happiness outside of ourselves, and the simple mindset shift that brings your energy, creativity, and fulfillment back online.

Whether you're on the edge of a big life transition or just tired of the hustle, this is your reminder: joy isn’t the result—it’s the path.

Inside this episode:

• The real reason your achievements haven’t brought lasting joy
• Why “the pursuit of happiness” is misleading
• How to rewire your nervous system to feel alive again
• My shift to bi-weekly episodes and what’s next while I’m in Europe

Let this be your permission slip to stop chasing and start choosing.

Stay bold, stay balanced, and I’ll see you next week.

Connect with Carly on Instagram HERE

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Transcript

0:00:00 - (Carly): Foreign welcome to Coffee with Carly, your weekly wake up call to a happier, healthier life. I'm your host, Carly Shade and I'm here to uncover how good life can get. So today we are diving into, we're wrapping up Feminine Freedom. This is the final part, part four of this fun little mini series that I had so much fun creating. Really it was like a co creation. It was inspired by conversations that I've had with my friends, with my clients.

0:00:43 - (Carly): I mean honestly, it was also inspired just by my own journey, right. Of things that came up in these main areas of my life. Where I realized that's what was keeping me stuck is I just kept following these shoulds and I kept putting myself in these boxes and I kept doing things the way that everyone else had told me to do them and it was not making me happy. And so Feminine Freedom was just, is like a permission slip to just start living life a little differently, to just start looking at these big areas of our life, our home, our health, our, our happiness, our wealth, all in a different way.

0:01:21 - (Carly): Right? Like let's just look at these areas that are impacting our lives and am I living them in a way that I want or am I doing it in a way that somebody else taught me? So before we dive into part four, we're gonna nicely wrap it up. I want to one remind all of you guys to please follow, subscribe. Whatever the button is, I believe on Apple it says follow but leave a review on all of those things boost my rankings.

0:01:50 - (Carly): And so if you want to support me, if you love me, it means the world to me. So make sure you are clicking follow wherever you are listening, Spotify, Apple, whatever it may be, leave that review. And then just a reminder, my one to one spots are available so I have space between three and six month containers. And really it's for the woman that is so done doing everything right and still not feeling alive. Right. Like you're sitting there and you're just kind of looking at your life and you're like, this is really it. Like, you know, you've had that taste of how amazing life can be, but somewhere along the way you got off track and it was probably from doing things that you should do and not that you want to do.

0:02:32 - (Carly): And so that's who I work with. The woman who is just like tired of living a life and building everyone else's dream life instead of her own. And you know that you're at that edge of that life transition, the career change, the moving, you know, whatever it is you Know you're on the edge of your next chapter, but you need someone to help you get there, right? And it does not mean just, I'm gonna meditate and manifest my way into this next chapter.

0:02:58 - (Carly): That's not how it works. Because our bodies are nervous systems. Like, actually figuring out the life that's meant for us means we have to come back to our body. And if you've been living in a certain way, like I was for 30 years, there's some, you know, uncoupling that needs to happen, right? There's some re regulation, there's some wiring that needs to happen. And so I am here to help you do that, to actually get your body and your mind on board with what you want is next.

0:03:27 - (Carly): Because you already know what you want to do. I know that, and I. If you think that you don't, I know that you do. It's just gonna take away peeling a bit of layers. So that's who I work with. I would love to work with you. Um, if you're interested again, send me a DM on Instagra, or if you're on my mailing list, the Weekly Brew, which you guys can join. There's a link at the bottom of our show notes.

0:03:49 - (Carly): So just send me an email, shoot me a dm. If you want to learn more, I'm happy to chat. Otherwise, let's do it. If you're looking for someone, a mentor to have in your back pocket who has walked themselves through exactly the things that you're going through. Which brings me to our final part four of our Feminine freedom series. Right? So to recap, remember, part one was all about health, okay? And we really dove into cycle syncing, just letting nature give us the permission that we need to slow down, right? The reminder that especially as women, we are not meant to show up with the same energy like robots, just producing and producing and producing every single day.

0:04:29 - (Carly): We are cyclical, and we sync with the moon, and we reset every 28 days, and men reset every 24 hours, okay? When we can slow down to speed up, that's where we start to feel a little magic in our lives. Part two was about home, and I introduced this idea of who, not how. Yes, women are incredibly good at multitasking, okay? But that doesn't mean that inherently being a part of a woman, being a woman means holding it all, okay?

0:05:00 - (Carly): And instead of asking, like, just because you have the capability to clean your own house doesn't mean you have to. It's letting yourself be supported, okay? And finding help, finding Resources, being resourceful to go find the support so that you can keep doing the things that light you up, the things that give you energy, okay? That's how we start to create a life that feels alive, is stop doing the things that drain your energy and go find somebody else who can do that for you.

0:05:30 - (Carly): And then part three was all about wealth, because everyone benefits when women are wealthy. Everyone, okay? And a lot of us have stickiness, and there's taboo around women and money. And so part three was one, just having a conversation about women and money. And part three. And then part of it was also step one, have a relationship with your money. I don't care if you're in debt. I don't care if there's these sticky emotions that come up first.

0:05:58 - (Carly): Just start to look at your bank account. Start to have a little relationship with it, right? Like it's your partner. And if you neglect it, it's gonna also neglect you. And so the first step to creating wealth, to building wealth, is just to have relationship with your money. So that was part one, two, and three, and now we're at part four, okay? And all of those things, home, health, wealth, are really in service of what?

0:06:24 - (Carly): Our happiness, okay? Our joy. And that's what we're gonna talk about today, right? If I were to ask you a question and you and responded with why a series of, like five times, we'd all. We'd get to the core of what you actually want. And really, what we all want is a little bit of freedom and a little bit of joy. Okay? We're all looking to just feel happy and joyful and satisfied in our life. And so although this is the final episode of feminine freedom, the caveat here is that it actually does come first.

0:06:57 - (Carly): Okay? It is the thing that we're looking for when we take care of our bodies, when we listen to its natural rhythms. It's the thing that we're looking for when we choose connection instead of chores. It's the thing that we're looking for when we're building wealth. But the trick is, happiness actually comes from within us. So we're looking for it in these other areas. But the reality. How do we actually get it? Is to remember that it comes from within us. And you have access to it right here and right now at any given time, but you have to choose it.

0:07:31 - (Carly): And so Thomas Jefferson, he kind of screwed us a little bit when he talked about, you know, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Because by choosing that one tiny word, he made us believe that happiness is Something outside of us. Happiness is something that we have to chase, that it can be achieved through grasping something outside of us. But that is not true. So, yes, feeling good in our health, creating space in our calendar, having money, all of that can certainly help feel happiness and joy, but it's not the true source of it, okay?

0:08:10 - (Carly): If you can't figure out how to be happy and experience joy right here, right now, with what you've got, then you will not be able to do it once you have more, okay? This whole if then doesn't exist with happiness. If I can just do this more thing, then I'll get happiness. If I can just X, then I'll get more happiness, okay? That's not how it works to actually have more. We appreciate what we have now.

0:08:36 - (Carly): And so how do we access this happiness? Right? If it's within us at any time, how do we access it? Okay, two simple words. Be present. It truly is about being in the here and now, especially for us, me, you know, all of you who are constantly looking for more, right? Like you, you do desire this life that lights you up. And we're looking for more life, more moments in our life, more energy, more adventure.

0:09:07 - (Carly): It can be easy to think that happiness comes in these grand packages, okay? But the secret to having it all now and in the future is learning to be present. So there's two pathways that kind of our brain takes, right? There's the dopamine and then there's the here and now. And dopamine, it comes from anticipation, right? So that's actually a common misunderstanding is that thing that we're wanting that once we get it, that doesn't actually provide the dopamine. The dopamine is anticipation of the wanting.

0:09:40 - (Carly): And so because of that, it can never really truly be satisfied. But being present in the here and now, that produces a different pathway that's down a different pathway in our brains. It's the here and now molecules, the neurotransmitters. And so it's actually impossible to be in the here and now pathway and the dopamine pathway. So that kind of like, true in your bones, in your body. Joy, satisfaction, lifelong happiness that is produced by being present in the here and now and loving the here and now and being present, okay? So you can't have both at the same time.

0:10:22 - (Carly): So we have to be able to, like, be comfortable shifting away from this constant anticipation to just being like, where am I at right now? Okay? So dopamine makes us want things with a passion, but the here and now allows us to appreciate them. Okay, so how do we access this happiness, this joy that we all want, that is within us at all times? We be present. You find joy in the everyday moments, not always those big, the big grand packages that we're anticipating.

0:10:54 - (Carly): It's that car ride with the windows down with your favorite song blasting and you're just with, you know, with yourself. You're not on your phone, you're not worrying about what's next or even if it's a meeting with your boss that, like, you know what you have to have every single Monday, you can't change that. So be present in that moment right when we're actually listening, when we're actually present.

0:11:15 - (Carly): Maybe something he says sparks something in you, right? Or we're just not leaking energy because we're not trying to multitask. We're not trying to pull ourselves in a million different directions. So when you're present in the moment, you get your time back, you get your energy back, and you ultimately get your joy back. So that's all easier said than done. I know, but being present is how we cultivate happiness and it's how everything else starts to come in alignment.

0:11:46 - (Carly): We cannot have more if we do not appreciate what we have right now. And again, I'm not saying that you have to drop and just be like, you know what? I don't need anything else more in my life. Like, I don't ever want to achieve. I don't have these big dreams, I don't have these big aspirations. That's not what I'm saying. The desire for more and more and these big goals, you should have big scary goals and dreams that scare the shit out of you.

0:12:10 - (Carly): But also remember that the here and now appreciating what we have is actually how we get there. Being present is how we move forward. Finding joy in the present moment is how you become happy. And all of those other parts are in service of joy. So if you can figure out how to find joy now, everything else will start to fall in place. Stop looking outside of yourself. Okay? That is the end. A short and sweet part four of our Feminine freedom series. I had so much fun making this.

0:12:51 - (Carly): So much fun co creating. Thank you guys for listening. I hope you guys enjoyed it as always. Like, I'm here again to co create with you guys. So if there's something you want to hear, there's something you want to learn, you know, something that's been on your mind, a little bit sticky, you'd love more help or support on Shoot me a dm. That same goes for like podcasts or even course creations. Like I'm here to also help you guys, right? So what, what's something you want to hear about, something you want to learn about?

0:13:18 - (Carly): Don't be shy, let me know. And again, another reminder, please subscribe, follow if you do want more insights, even more personal stories even, or if you just want to hear about my offers, right? Like what am I offering? What's a free MasterCl? That's coming up. Subscribe to the Weekly Brew. That link is in the footnotes, the show notes. You'll hear about our podcast, but mostly also kind of personal stories and what I'm offering in these next couple weeks, months and all of that.

0:13:48 - (Carly): The last update that I do have for you guys is we are going to be switching to bi weekly episodes. And we're doing this because I am practicing what I preach, which means creating space in my calendar and trying to be fully present and joyful. And I'm going to Europe for five weeks and you bet your ass that I'm gonna be fully present and find happiness in each moment. And so we're gonna go down to bi weekly podcast episodes. Not cause I don't love you, but because I'm practicing what I preach.

0:14:17 - (Carly): But don't you worry, while I'm gone frolicking in Europe, there will be so many new ideas of upcoming offers, fun challenges, maybe new masterclasses that will come out of it. And of course, I still have all these episodes scheduled for the next several weeks. So you will be not without Carly in your ear, but I will just be in another country. So that's the final. And thank you guys as always for your support for listening. It means the world to me.

0:14:44 - (Carly): And you know what guys? Like a good cup of coffee. Stay bold, stay balanced, and I will see you next week.