The Health Habit You're Probably Skipping Every Night

What if the most rebellious thing you could do for your health was simply… sleep?

If you've ever…

• Dragged yourself to a 6am workout on four hours of sleep and called it discipline
• Laid awake next to a snoring partner and just dealt with it
• Wondered why you're exhausted, bloated, moody, and running on caffeine — but can't figure out why
• Felt guilty for sleeping in, like rest is somehow something you have to earn

In this episode, I'm making the case that sleep might be sitting at the very top of your health pyramid. Above workouts. Above supplements. Above all of it.

Here's what I want you to know: doing less is sometimes doing more. Your body cannot heal what it never gets to rest. And the "I'll sleep when I'm dead" mentality? It might be the thing that's keeping you stuck.

In this episode:

• Why women need more sleep than men — and the real reason why
• What's actually happening in your body while you sleep (hormones, heart health, appetite, skin, gut — all of it)
• Why poor sleep might be the reason your willpower, your digestion, and your libido have gone missing
• The very personal reason Matt and I sleep in separate bedrooms — 17 days after our wedding
• Your dare for the week (it's easier than you think, I promise)

This episode is for you if:

• You're tired of being tired and you're ready to actually do something about it
• You've been treating sleep like a luxury instead of a non-negotiable
• Someone in your life needs to stop shaming you for sleeping in
• You're curious what "rewriting the rules" actually looks like in real life

"Sleep is not the enemy of intimacy. It's the foundation of it."

☕️ Stay bold, stay balanced, stay thriving 

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Transcript

0:00:00 - (Carly): Oh my goodness, it feels good to be back. If you are new here, welcome to Coffee with Carly. I'm your host, Carly, Carly Shade. And I'm a registered dietitian and holistic health coach for women. And if you are a regular here, welcome back again. And you may have noticed that I have not really tuned in with you all in a while. Okay. But I promise that there is a good reason. I have been doing some exciting behind the scenes building with a little side of rebrand.

0:00:38 - (Carly): So what does all that mean? Number one, I've got a brand spanking new website that should be done in the next week. Or two, I will absolutely make an announcement when it is. And it is. Oh, it's so good. I'm so excited. Can't wait to show you guys. Secondly, I've also been working on this beautiful free resource for you all. So if you have not subscribed to my newsletter, please do so. I send out emails every Tuesday.

0:01:05 - (Carly): Ish. With personal insights, tips from my years of schooling in functional nutrition as well as my own lived experience in hormones, health, nervous system, all of that. But if you're also looking for a little extra support with hormones, which is really the foundation of the work I do, foundation of health as women, foundation to your mood, your digestion, your energy, having happy hormones is where we start.

0:01:33 - (Carly): Then this free resource is going to be for you. So it's going to be a little guide on how to make your hormones happy. So that's also coming out in the very near future. And then I also have a really exciting rebrand to this very podcast. So don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. It's, it's just getting a little makeover and I think that you're all gonna really love it. So all that's kind of been happening behind the scenes. So I promise I had a good reason for not showing up maybe as consistently as some of us might like.

0:02:05 - (Carly): But again, in the spirit of like tuning into our own rhythm, understanding that there's times to push, there's times to pause, I was in this kind of focus and finish building phase. And that means that some of the things kind of had to put on, on the back burner, right? Because we're not, we're not doing the thing where we're trying to do everything all the time. We're understanding that we're human and our priorities and our focus shifts.

0:02:28 - (Carly): So lastly, what I have also been doing behind the scenes is serving my clients and some of you, you know, who is not my client yet. Might finally feel like a human again, right? We're kind of crawling out of this winter cave. Spring is sprung and you're really finally ready to take your health seriously, right. Or like to actually set goals like that finally feels appropriate because the sun is coming out. So if that's you and you're really ready to kind of make some changes for your health in 2026, I've got something pretty exciting for you.

0:03:05 - (Carly): For the entire month of April, I am giving 50% off my 90 minute health intensive session. So if you are new to my work or my offerings, I offer two things really personalized coaching packages. So this is for like de deep hands on daily support, really like into the accountability, simplicity, long term change to our health. And those Packages are usually three, six or 12 months. But on top of it, if you're curious and kind of just want to dip your toe into the health coaching world, if you have a really specific question or like an area of your health that you would really like direction on, there's something like this is my goal and I really just want to get some clarity and some direction, then my 90 minute health intensive session is perfect for you.

0:03:54 - (Carly): So in those, again, it's where you'll really get clarity on that very specific issue. During that session, we'll kind of take a deep dive into what you're doing right now, what maybe is holding you back, how we can do things differently. And then of course you'll leave with a very clear action plan, right. A few next steps that get you moving forward. So Those are typically $300 for the 90 minute session, plus the kind of action plan to take home.

0:04:19 - (Carly): But for the entire month of April, I am giving it to you at 50% off because spring is sprung, the sun is making me happy, and I want you guys to feel happy too. So just $150. You save $150 the entire month of April. Just reach out to me via email, Instagram, however, you know, if you have my cell phone number, great, reach out that way. I don't care if you're interested, just in one of the ways that you want to get in touc, just let me know that you're interested in that 90 minute health intensive and we'll get you scheduled again. That is for April only.

0:04:57 - (Carly): Okay, Those are all my reminders. So let's get into today's episode. Welcome to Coffee with Carly, your weekly wake up call to a happier, healthier life. I'm your host, Carly Shade, and I'm here to uncover how good Life can get. So today's topic is all about sleep. And it was really inspired by one of the worst nights of sleep I've had in a very long time, just last Thursday. So I'm telling myself that the universe delivered that to me so that I could really remember what it felt feels like to just have such a crappy night of sleep and to remind myself, you know, just really, really how important sleep is.

0:05:55 - (Carly): So today's episode is brought to you by a sleepless night last Thursday. And I'm not gonna lie, when I wrote this script, I was coming off that very sleepless night. So if there's some deliriousness happening, it's probably still tied over from that. But I want you. It was one of those nights where you can't fall asleep. You look at the clock and it's 1:30, then it's 3:30, then it's 4:30, then it's 6:00am, then it's 7:00am and you just decide to wake up for the day, right? And I remember I came downstairs and Matt looks at me and just goes, huh?

0:06:25 - (Carly): You're wearing the exact same thing as yesterday. And I just look at him. I was like, yeah, you're damn right I am. Okay, I have zero brain cells to pick out a new outfit. Now, this sleepless night again, I think happened to inspire this podcast episode, but I can also pinpoint the dog that I'm watching. Okay, I'm dog sitting. And she's honestly really easy and sweet. But it was, it was that first night, you know, humans, dogs alikes, new sounds, new smells, new everything.

0:06:54 - (Carly): Kind of hard to sleep. So she did adjust, thankfully, and we're all good now. But that is how I ended up with approximately, like two hours of sleep last Thursday. And that's how we've gotten here with this episode, because my day was ruined, okay? Despite being in that feel good follicular phase. And if you don't know what that means yet, don't worry, we will get there in another episode. Despite how good I was supposed to feel, oh my goodness. I felt raw, I felt emotional.

0:07:26 - (Carly): I couldn't think straight. I was just like floating throughout the day. And it was not in a dreamy way. It was like a disassociated, where am I? What am I doing? Kind of way, right? And of course, on this day, I had a full morning planned. I was going to have a guest interview, I was going to record a solo episode, I was going to crush a workout all before 11am Thankfully, I managed to pull it together. For the interview.

0:07:52 - (Carly): But everything else fell off my list. All of this from literally one bad night of sleep. Okay? And here's what got me, is that was just one night, one night of sleep. But most of you are living like this every single day. You are sleeping next to someone who snores and you're just dealing with it. You're catching a red eye and still dragging yourself to 6am Boot camp because quote unquote, that's discipline.

0:08:24 - (Carly): You're the first one up on Sunday morning, even though the kids and your husband are still sleeping. And you probably could have had another hour or two, right? We've somehow convinced ourselves that sleep is the thing that we're supposed to sacrifice. And everything else gets to stay, right? The 6am workout stays, the late night scrolling stays, the early alarm stays. But sleep, eh, that's up for negotiation.

0:08:50 - (Carly): So here's what I want to flip for you today. Sleep might be the single most important health habit you have. If I were to draw a nice little visual for you guys, let's say like a health pyramid, sleep would be sitting at the very top, above your workouts, above your supplements, okay? Above your flawless morning routine and your green juice and your red light therapy and everything else. And there's no knock to red light therapy and green juices and all those things. But I'm just telling ya, sleep comes first, especially for us as women.

0:09:29 - (Carly): Okay, Let me explain why, because this is right, we all want to know why things are different for us. And this is where it does get interesting. So men, they operate on a 24 hour hormonal rhythm, but women operate on a 28 day cycle. Okay? That is not a small difference. 24 hour, 28 day, right? That's a fundamentally different operating system. And our sleep reflects that because here's what's actually happening in your body while you sleep, okay? It's not just like some passive thing.

0:10:03 - (Carly): Number one, you're making your hormones. So especially as a woman, sleep is so essential for producing and regulating cortisol, progesterone, FSH and lh, both of those are involved in ovulating, right? So those hormones, it controls your stress response, your mood, your energy, and your ability to ovulate. So when you mess with your sleep, you mess with your entire hormonal rhythm. And women actually need more sleep than men, closer to eight to 10 hours.

0:10:37 - (Carly): And that's because we have a more complex system. Okay, and this came up, actually, I was facilitating a discussion with some older women who, they were already in their menopausal Years. But they talked about like if they decided to sleep in an extra hour, their husband kind of like lovingly, but gave them a little judgy like, honey, why aren't you awake? Why aren't you doing your workout class? It's like, no, men need less sleep to function, okay?

0:11:09 - (Carly): So if you also are a man listening, please stop shaming your woman for sleeping. She needs it, okay? I'm going to keep telling you why. Number two, your heart is recovering, okay? Heart disease is the leading cause of death in women and poor sleep is a significant risk factor, okay? Your cardiovascular system does some serious repair work at night and this one really doesn't get talked about enough.

0:11:36 - (Carly): Number three, your appetite is being regulated while you sleep. So this is the one that really kind of blows my clients minds because sleep controls ghrelin, okay? And that is the hormone that's responsible for triggering hunger. But when you don't sleep enough, your body can't produce it properly overnight. So it overproduces it during the day and that leaves you hungrier, reaching for that quick energy, those cravings and wondering why your willpower isn't working right, why your diet went out the window.

0:12:12 - (Carly): It wasn't a willpower problem, it was a sleep problem. Number four, your skin is being rebuilt, right? We're so obsessed with putting collagen and everything. Well, collagen is actually produced while you sleep. So your nighttime skincare routine could be flawless. But if you are not sleeping, you're working against yourself. And number five, your gut is resetting. Poor sleep disrupts the balance of your gut microbiome, which can show up as bloating, inflammation, constipation, food sensitivities, you name it.

0:12:46 - (Carly): So before you go blame gluten, maybe try getting a full night sleep first. Okay? And this is a huge one that I personally feel for those who maybe know one of my major symptoms that ways that my body talked to me when I was in burnout was through constipation. And I had had that for years is like that was this huge sign with just bloating and constipation with my health and when I don't sleep, it instantly like starts to become a risk factor again.

0:13:22 - (Carly): I will say that probably getting good night's sleep is the most effective thing that has helped my constipation on top of some other things. But just from a personal standpoint, I can absolutely experience and feel the difference. So on this note, you've just learned, right, five really, really important things that are happening in your sleep, like very Very important. And I want to get a little personal to really make sure you guys understand how serious sleep is for your health.

0:13:54 - (Carly): So Matt and I got married in September, and whenever people ask us how married life is going, our answer always gets a pretty funny reaction, because we say, well, it's going great. And we now sleep in separate bedrooms. And I can just feel the like, what are you guys. Okay, Is something wrong? And I get it, right? We've been taught that sharing a bed is intimacy. That, you know, getting separate bedrooms is the first sign to a divorce, okay? That's what couples do, right? If you're sleeping separately, something must be off.

0:14:29 - (Carly): But I'm gonna tell you what was actually off. We have completely different sleep rhythms, okay? I go to bed early. He gets home late from work, and he snores and can fall asleep within 15 seconds. I toss and turn and takes much longer for me to get to sleep, okay? And he also wakes up earlier than me, right? And so for a long time, we just kind of dealt with it because we love each other and we're going to share the same bed, and we're married, and that's what you're supposed to do, right?

0:14:57 - (Carly): Except over time, we became zombies. We started to resent each other. We started to get shorter with each other. We were more reactive. Like, we were exhausted. There was just, like, tension building. And finally we just said, like, what are we doing? So we made the switch, okay? And approximately 17 days after our wedding, we started sleeping in separate rooms. And I am not exaggerating when I say the difference was night and day.

0:15:28 - (Carly): I stopped tossing and turning in the middle of the night. I stopped getting up to pee. I was only getting up to pee so often because I wasn't actually in that deep sleep. When you're in deep sleep, restorative sleep, the. The, like, the need to go to the bathroom gets suppressed so that you can stay in that deep sleep. So I wasn't getting up to go to the bathroom all the time anymore. I woke up actually feeling rested and recharged.

0:15:51 - (Carly): And I woke up actually loving my husband again. Okay? So I know, again, what about intimacy? That's the first sign of divorce. Like, we get this all the time, but resentment kills intimacy. Not having hormones or energy or emotional bandwidth to actually show up for each other kills intimacy. Okay? Sleep is not the enemy of intimacy. It's the foundation of it. And this is what I really want to leave with you today, is the.

0:16:29 - (Carly): We have to let go of the. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Mentality if we actually want to feel good, right? This is what I mean when I say, like, doing less is sometimes doing more. Because as women, we have been conditioned to believe that doing more is always the answer, right? That, like, 6:00am Pilates class is more important than an extra hour of sleep. That discipline just means pushing through. And sometimes that is true, but not always.

0:16:56 - (Carly): Especially not if you're running on fumes, if you're in the middle of burnout, if your mornings are fueled by caffeine, if your evenings are fueled by wine, right? If you're wondering why your body just feels so off and you're totally exhausted all the time. You know, most of my clients, like, they think that they need some super fancy diet plan or they need more discipline or they need more structure in their life or they need a better meal plan.

0:17:23 - (Carly): But so many of them, when they first come to me, what they actually need is to manage their stress, to protect their sleep, and to let their nervous system finally relax. Okay? This is why the very first step in my female framework is to reconnect. We have to reconnect with our body, and our body cannot heal if it never gets to rest. Okay? Health starts when you're willing to do what actually supports your body, even when it looks different than what you've been taught, even if it looks weird to other people, even if you get judged for sleeping in separate beds, okay?

0:18:06 - (Carly): It is about listening to your rhythm. That is where health starts to happen. That's where healing starts to happen. So your dare for this week. I'm trying a new thing. Instead of calling it homework, I'm gonna call it a dare. Your dare for this week. Let yourself sleep in one morning. Skip the 6am workout. Give yourself that extra hour, okay? And for the love of God, do not set eight alarms staggered across an hour or two, okay?

0:18:39 - (Carly): You are robbing yourself of that good sleep. The minute you get woken up from that deep sleep, all of the restorative benefits go away. Okay? Just please set one alarm for when you actually need to get up and enjoy uninterrupted rest. I know it's gonna feel weird. I know it's gonna feel like you're slacking. I know some part of you is gonna wanna fight it, but just please trust me anyway, okay? I dare you.

0:19:09 - (Carly): This is what it means to rewrite the rules. This is what it means to rebuild health as a woman. One sleep at a time. Thank you for hanging out with me today. Okay? If this episode resonated, if you're like, wow, I'M tired all the time. Maybe it's my sleep, right? Or if a friend really needs to hear it, please share this with them because I'm sure we all know someone who's running on empty and calling it their personality instead of just a sleep problem.

0:19:44 - (Carly): And if you are looking to go deeper on your hormones, on your energy, on your fitness, on your health, like figure out what's actually going on in your body, follow me on Instagram Arlichade. I'd love to connect or take advantage again of that april special with 50% off a 90 minute health intensive. Save $150 and let's take a deep dive and see what's going on with your sleep. So either way, thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoy today's episode and like a good cup of coffee.

0:20:19 - (Carly): I want you to stay bold, I want you to stay balanced and I will see you next time.